


Bonding

by imbeccacile



Category: Milo Murphy's Law, Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 06:03:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11594442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imbeccacile/pseuds/imbeccacile
Summary: When the inator alert goes off less than a month after Doof gave up evil to teach high school, Monogram is understandably frustrated. And with Agent P on some much-needed time off, the Major is forced to go to the Doofenshmirtz building himself, and is faced with two men wearing odd clothes who insist they're time-traveling pistachio protectors.





	Bonding

**Author's Note:**

> because who doesn't want to see both of Dan and Swampy's characters interact?

Carl didn't want to believe what he was seeing. He also didn't want to be the one to tell his boss...but it was his job. And this could be serious. Doofenshmirtz was supposed to give evil up a month ago. Why would he build another inator now?

"U-Uh...Sir?" Carl meekly hid behind a stack of papers on Monogram's desk, adjusting his glasses nervously. The Major was looking over some paperwork, and frowned over at the intern as he interrupted him.

"What is it, Carl?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Of course Carl was an excitable kid, and he was often scared of a lot of things; Monogram included, though the older man just associated it with the intern's fear of failure. Carl made an incoherent squeak and crouched lower behind the stack of papers. "C'mon, Carl, spit it out. I don't have all day." Now he was starting to get annoyed. What could be so important-

"Doofenshmirtz set off the inator alert!" Carl yelled, standing to his full height, a bit more high-pitched than usual. Upon seeing Monogram's face, however, he crouched back behind the stack of papers, squeaking something else incoherent.

The Major stared, speechless, at the stack where Carl hid, unable to think of a logical explanation for this. The alarm couldn't have been broken; they had just gotten it fine-tuned a week ago after they found out it hadn't gone off after Rodney had created something. And Doof...Well, Doof was a high school science teacher now! What would he be doing building inators, when he knew that that would land him in jail? It took him a moment to find his voice, and when he did, his shocked expression didn't change. "Great Googly Moogly! Carl, is Agent P...?"

"A-Agent P is taking some time off, sir. You gave it to him, remember? He's getting older, and he needs more rest-"

"Alright, Carl, I remember!" Monogram stood abruptly, fuming now, as he stormed out the door. Fine. He'd just have to do it himself. Doofenshmirtz was going to get a piece of his mind...

***  
Monogram stood in front of the door with his arms crossed, as the Doofenshmirtz jingle sounded.

"Just a minute!" Called a voice from inside, followed by a crashing noise. The door swung open then, and Heinz Doofenshmirtz stood there, wrench in hand. Fresh oil stained his lab coat, his hair was a knotted mess, and he wore a surprised expression. "Francis! So good to see you!"

"Yes, Doofenshmirtz, it's been awhile. But my visit isn't-"

Doof looked over his shoulder, then back at Monogram, hearing another noise. "Ah...You should probably just come in." Monogram raised an eyebrow, but stepped in as the scientist stepped aside, then pushed the door closed with his foot.

"I say, Dakota; there is nothing in here that gives off the impression that we are in the correct time period at all!"

An older, British man stood, bent over, holding the rim of his glasses as he inspected one of Doof's many failed inator blueprints. Beside him, a shorter man with wild hair and sunglasses ate a hot dog, not looking very interested in what the other was looking at. 

"Hey, guys? Yoo hoo...!" Doof waved to get their attention, and the two walked over. "This is my good friend, Major Monogram," he introduced, which earned him a dirty look.

"Hello, chap. I am Balthazar Cavendish, and this is my partner Vinnie Dakota. Any friend of Doof's is a friend of ours." The taller Brit held out his hand, to which Monogram reluctantly took. Right... Doof glanced at Monogram, who looked more than confused, and something clicked.

"Ah..! I must have set off the inator alert, huh?" The scientist guessed, and in response got a slight nod. Monogram couldn't stop watching the two strangers. Something was weird about them. Not to mention the pile of metal next to a half-completed inator. "You must have thought I went back to evil! Hah! That's adorable," Doof laughed, shaking his head as he walked over to the inator, holding his arms above his head. "Behold! The time-inator!" Dakota and Cavendish shared an incredulous look. "...All right, so I'm a little rusty."

"What...exactly is this for, Doofenshmirtz?" Monogram asked, taking a step forward to get a better look.

"Doof's helpin' us get back to our time," Dakota intercepted, finishing off his hot dog.

"What he means," Cavendish explained, nudging his arm, "is that we are time-travelers. We are from the future, and are tasked with the responsibility of protecting pistachios...which eventually become extinct."

"And on the way here, our old time car puffed out and brought us crashing into this building instead of the pistachio factory, so-"

"So I'm helping them out!" Doof finished proudly, turning back to his inator.

This was a lot to process. Monogram felt like his head might explode. Time-travelers? It was hard to believe, and yet...They seemed pretty sincere, and they certainly didn't look like they were from this time period. It was obvious Doof believed them. Maybe he was even in the room when Cavendish and Dakota appeared. He supposed the pile of metal beside the inator must be their... broken 'time car'. All right, perhaps it wasn't too crazy. Especially considering everything that had happened in this town.

"All right. How can I help?"

***  
"Hey, I have a question." Dakota sat beside the inator, leaning back on his hands, taking a break. Doof sat next to him, tightening some screws with his wrench. The scientist glanced at the other questioningly, silently urging him to continue. "Well...I noticed your full name. It's Doofenshmirtz. That's...It's Drusselsteinian, isn't it?" Doof paused, almost surprised that it was recognized.

"Well...Yes, yes it is." He couldn't help but grin a little. "I'm surprised you noticed! Not many people know about Drusselstein, y'know." Dakota simply laughed, nodding.

"Oh, I know what you mean. My mother is from Drusselstein. Her maiden name is Drowssap. Everyone assumes she's from Germany or something." Doof's eyebrows rose in surprise, looking over at the other man.

"That's...great! I haven't ever met another Drusselsteinian since I came to America." He turned back to the inator, looking amused. "Did you ever visit as a child?"

"Oh, yeah. I spent the first three years of my life there, actually. And we visited every summer." 

Doof smiled. "Did you ever go to Zengle's Stand? He had the best doonkleberries, and my mother made the best pies."

"Oh, yeah! I don't care what anyone tells me; doonkleberries are the best fruit. Not that I like fruit very much...It was the only type I'd eat as a kid, really." They shared a laugh, and got back to work.

On the other side of the room, Monogram and Cavendish worked on collecting pieces of the broken car that could be reused. They sat together, rifling through.

"So, uh...you said you protect, what was it...pistachios?" Monogram asked awkwardly, breaking the silence.

"Yes," Cavendish sighed, looking put-out by the question, "Dakota and I are new to the Bureau, and Mr. Block loved pistachios as a child, and wants us to make sure they never go extinct. Though, I wish he would see out potential to do more. I joined up to save the world, and I'm stuck saving pistachios."

For some odd reason he didn't understand, Monogram sort of felt bad for the other man. He knew how difficult it was to move up in the ranks. "Well, it isn't too far-fetched. I run an agency of animal secret agents." The Major waited for Cavendish to laugh, but he didn't.

"My word; is that OWCA you are speaking of?" He asked, adjusting his glasses. Wordlessly, Monogram nodded. "My father's old cat used to be an OWCA agent for London, where we lived. I suppose when they retire they are allowed to tell the host family, hm?" he chuckled, and even Monogram found himself smiling a little. It was nice. They were both weird in their own ways, and they understood it. 

A comfortable silence fell between them. A few minutes later, Cavendish glanced up. "By the way, chap, your mustache is simply amazing." Monogram looked up, and laughed.

"Yours isn't so bad, either!" And he meant it.

***  
It was hours later when everything had finally finished. The four men, tired but relieved, stood behind the inator to admire the work. It was silent for a few moments as they looked at it.

"So, fellas...are you ready?" Doof broke the silence, turning to look at the two time-travelers. They both nodded.

"It's been a pleasure, Major," Cavendish announced, holding out his hand. Monogram shook it firmly, smiling. 

"Yes. Yes it has," he agreed, nodding.

"Thanks for the extra doonkleberries, Doof," Dakota exclaimed, holding a bag of them, "it's been so long since I've had some."

"No problem! I've always got extra. Make sure you stay in touch." Doof smiled, and went in for the hug. Dakota hugged him back, and then went over to his partner. Doof and Cavendish shook hands, and then the scientist went over to the inator, pointing it over at them. "Ready?"

"Yup." 

"Affirmative!"

Doof pressed a button, and a ray of green engulfed the two time-travelers, and then it was quiet. Monogram looked up at Doof, and saluted.

"Well, see you soon, Doofenshmirtz. Are you still good for bowling on Thursday?"

"Of course!" Doof grinned, going over to open the door from him. "We should definitely make this a tradition!"


End file.
